Please help me! (a guest post from Kristen King)

“Please help me!” ….something my husband has asked for since he was a very young child and still pleads for, to this day, as an adult. There is a lot of communication and help for adolescents with Autism Spectrum disorders, but where is the help for those kids who grew up with no assistance, understanding or help at all?  Those kids that grew up with so much pain from lack of understanding, from being rejected all their life and from never quite understanding where they fit or why they even exist.  Where is the help and understanding for the spouses, the families that do their best to “help”.  My husband says that your family is the people that walk with you through the bad times..those that help us carry the cross we have been given to bear.  The bible tells us to “carry one another’s burdens” and yet, it seems even the church is lacking in helping these people. How many of us go through daily life with disregard for God’s mandate to love the least of God’s children, to laugh with those who laugh and mourn with those who mourn?  Where is the community, the family that joins together to truly help those in need?  I’ve come to understand that my husband doesn’t say anything unless he has something to say.  So, when he says he’s in pain and needs help, he’s held it in for as long as he can and we are in desperation mode.  I feel so helpless, so very inadequate and alone at times.  But, the truth is, I have never felt so alone, so worthless that I wanted to end it all, as he has.

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5 Comments

Filed under About Asperger's Syndrome

5 responses to “Please help me! (a guest post from Kristen King)

  1. That is one of the things that saddens me the most. In 1990 when I was at my lowest and contimplating ending my life Carlyle came along and saved me. But I never knew his sadness or his own fights with deep depression. Or I would have done my damndest to show him how much he ment to me. And helped him the way he helped me. So now I try to always tell him how much he is loved by me. My dearest friend and my Guardian Angel. But I know that one voice in the darkness is not always enough. But it can help if that voice is Loud and I have learned how to be LOUD!!! And say what is on my mind no mater what!! Especially when it may help someone!!! I hope now that I have reconnected with Carlyle. I can return the favor and show him how he is loved!!!!!
    Blessed Be!!!!
    All My Love My Friend

  2. Austin Mims

    I Agree Kristen and I also hold things in until they are unbearable as well, I wish I didn’t but I think most people with Asperger’s Syndrome do. I love and miss you guys and will remember you in my prayers.

    • Kristen

      We love and miss you too Austin!! Hope you are doing well and if you EVER need to talk to anyone, please know we are just a phone call away.

  3. Kristen

    I just want to explain what “help” looks like. It looks like a friend reaching out to say “Just thinking about you and I hope you have a great day”, or another checking in and saying “How are you today?”, and yet another that might stop by to chat for 20 minutes. The only difference that we need to understand is that Carlyle has a blindness that prohibits him from hearing/seeing things most of us take for granted or that come instinctively. Most of us know who our friends are and we may not always know how to explain how or why we know, sometimes we just know. Carlyle doesn’t unless people tell him, literally. And if people aren’t in contact with him he will feel disconnected and alone. Really, it’s very simple. Tell your friends you enjoy having them around and why on a regular basis. We all like to receive positive feedback, don’t we?

  4. Sharon

    The fact that even Christians don’t reach out to one another, despite being commanded to do so, really bugs me. We are all too busy, too self-absorbed with our own issues, etc. To be Christ-like one must learn to love people equally and especially when there are needs that are unmet, I have often felt that if I smiled when ‘we’ are shaking hands in church, and someone does the usual “how are you.” and I responded with an honest answer, that they would neither hear nor understand. Seriously, my take on society as a sick person that struggles regularly with social issues as well as physical ones, I find that very few people know or care to find out. And most just say if you need something tell me, instead of saying something more like … can I hit the store for you? Can I come over and let you talk? Do you need prayer? We, as a society, simply do not understand each other. We have parties in our back yards instead of sitting on our front porches. We go to church with people that live miles away instead of our neighbors and we certainly don’t do barn raising type events any more. How can we change this? I think it involves each one of us being honest about our feelings and letting others hear us. I am sorry I am bad about not reaching out. I try to reach out to the sick and shut in that are so neglected and misunderstood. I get angry when people say … You don’t look sick. Well, I don’t look sick. I have cancer. It is my 3rd episode and I get tired and unsocial at times. I was raised in a home where social skills were not taught or caught or even practiced much. We often harbor anger and frustration, when we should be finding tactful ways to help others understand. I am guilty. I love you guys so much. It is awful to struggle alone. May we all learn from all of this to reach out and minister one to another as we should. We aren’t through until we get called home.

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